It is a dreary day here in NE Tarrant County. Cool weather, rain off and on. Things are feeling kind of surreal right now. Sitting in my room trying to organize things to store away in the closet. I want to get a few empty boxes to fill with things I won't take on the plane but might want my family to send them to me later. These are the somewhat mundane logistical realities of moving.
An emotion that I haven't felt in quite some time (though it is familiar) seems to be creeping up, I think partially the because of the weather, partially because of my situation and recent events. It is a mixture of desperation, nostalgia and uncertainty.
Though I want to move to China I also feel like I am being forced to go. At this time I feel like I have no prospects where I am--living at my parent's house and working at Starbucks. And, I've had little success in my search for jobs with higher compensation or more opportunity. I hope going to China can be a catalyst (not a panacea) for progress in all realms of my life. Ideas of another culture, different experiences, a new language, new relationships and more independence all excite me, and I know this will be a fun and productive trip.
Fuck, this is becoming too emo. The point is, it is a rainy day and it is incredibly weird to be sitting on the floor and thinking about packing a couple of bags full of things I want/need for moving across the world for a year.
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