foreign expert

So...somehow over the past month I wound up magically transforming form mere American citizen into a foreign expert....

In case I don't know what this means, it means I GOT A TEACHING POSITION!! Yes, the theory of hard work and persistence paying off has now been confirmed to be occasionally correct instead of just being anecdotal. That is, of course, unless this was all just a coincidence and there is actually no correlation between diligence and success.  Either way, I signed a contract with Hángzhōu Diànzǐ University in Hángzhōu, Zhèjīang Province.  I feel a great sense of relief having secured a job but I also have realized the exigency of my final pre-trip responsibilities.

One stipulation in the contract was that I would have to have my wisdom teeth removed before arriving in China.  The Chinese believe that wisdom teeth literally do give wisdom and therefore, admitting a foreigner to China who still has his wisdom teeth could breach national security.  This doesn't make any sense because now I have holes in my mouth with which I can easily conceal highly-classified information.  So in my analysis of this situation, I have essentially traded wisdom for intelligence.

Anyway, I got my wisdom teeth removed and promptly received a bag of bloody teeth and what seemed to be a sinus infection.  Either it turns out it wasn't a sinus infection or the sinus infection turned into walking pneumonia, a minor form of real pneumonia.  While I was seeing the doctor for walking pneumonia I came upon the insight that I don't like being sick and maybe I should start taking the idea of getting vaccinations seriously.  My responsibilities instantly multiplied like the bacteria in my fluid-filled lungs.

Also, somehow I need to get from America to China.  Walking is out of the picture because there is a small stretch of space between the two countries where there is no land (only water), and I am not a water strider named Jesus.  How unfortunate, if only I would've been born differently than I was maybe I could be happy. Maybe I will just try to use an airplane to get there.  If that were to happen, I would have to buy an economy-class ticket and I don't want to spend any less than $1200....

That's enough for now, I have to spray hydrogen peroxide in the holes in my mouth and then use my cool new inhaler.  I will try and write more about my responsibilities later.  Have a nice day!!