Right now I'm sitting outside a Starbucks like I often do. The reason I come here is because 1) I work at this particular store so I don't usually pay for drinks, and 2) it is within walking distance of home. I was at home cleaning out my room and the garage, looking for things to sell or donate. The idea of minimizing what I own is very appealing; it's always been somewhat a romantic fascination of mine but something I've never done well with. But...
Yesterday I sold one of my guitars. Now I only have five guitars. Upon exchanging the guitar for money with the guy I didn't feel anything like I've felt in the past when parting with possession I value. This time I just felt a slight exhilaration knowing my physical presence here is that much smaller; I owned that much less shit. One more thing I never have to think about. I hope to repeat this feeling multiple times and to promote that I have put all but one of my guitars online, as well as a bunch of camera equipment.
Showing posts with label decisions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label decisions. Show all posts
Saturday, April 14, 2012
Sunday, April 8, 2012
a peaceful reminder
This morning I woke up feeling incredibly rested. I went to the bathroom and then walked back in my room with a calm presence over me, somewhat hyper-aware, admiring the way the carpet felt on my feet. Kind of in a surreal state where random thoughts just pop in your head, like "I'm so thankful my feet and legs work." I laughed to myself and looked at the clock to see what time it was.
It was fucking 2 a.m. At this point I really started acting like a grandpa and I started chuckling. Immediately I thought of the last time this sort of phenomenon occurred, I was alternating between staring at the ceiling and peeking out the blinds in a serviced apartment in Shanghai, the first night/morning after I arrived. My travel partner was asleep but I was already seething with the desire to get out and explore this crazy new place, filthy with lights, filthy with people and filthy with general uncleanliness....
It was fucking 2 a.m. At this point I really started acting like a grandpa and I started chuckling. Immediately I thought of the last time this sort of phenomenon occurred, I was alternating between staring at the ceiling and peeking out the blinds in a serviced apartment in Shanghai, the first night/morning after I arrived. My travel partner was asleep but I was already seething with the desire to get out and explore this crazy new place, filthy with lights, filthy with people and filthy with general uncleanliness....
Friday, March 16, 2012
au revoir
Though this blog, in name and content, is mostly about my experiences getting to and being in China, the impetus for the blog was generally about leaving America. It seems to be I am in the same state again, where getting out of this country or maybe just being somewhere totally new, has become a top priority in my life.
So exigent is this desire that at times I can't sit still and I feel a burn in my skin at the thought of being here, of feeling like I am doing nothing "beyond existing". It sounds pretty dramatic.
I frequently miss China, though I try not to dwell on decisions I felt I had to make. There is no way I could idealize China, but maybe a different lifestyle that it harbored for me. Sometimes there was comfort in the constant chaos often mirroring my mental state but in the end too many situations all across the external and my internal world propelled me to leave in a frantic state.
Whatever, shit doesn't matter now. Anyway, I am planning a looser trip to Southeast Asia with my adopted twin brother Andrew. I will probably keep writing on this site due to the fact that I have started way too many other random blogs already and nihao-brian seems most suitable for travel.
The Cure is playing right now in this Starbucks. I think of a gigantic unfamiliar world. Can't wait to leave.
So exigent is this desire that at times I can't sit still and I feel a burn in my skin at the thought of being here, of feeling like I am doing nothing "beyond existing". It sounds pretty dramatic.
I frequently miss China, though I try not to dwell on decisions I felt I had to make. There is no way I could idealize China, but maybe a different lifestyle that it harbored for me. Sometimes there was comfort in the constant chaos often mirroring my mental state but in the end too many situations all across the external and my internal world propelled me to leave in a frantic state.
Whatever, shit doesn't matter now. Anyway, I am planning a looser trip to Southeast Asia with my adopted twin brother Andrew. I will probably keep writing on this site due to the fact that I have started way too many other random blogs already and nihao-brian seems most suitable for travel.
The Cure is playing right now in this Starbucks. I think of a gigantic unfamiliar world. Can't wait to leave.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
strange feeling
It is a dreary day here in NE Tarrant County. Cool weather, rain off and on. Things are feeling kind of surreal right now. Sitting in my room trying to organize things to store away in the closet. I want to get a few empty boxes to fill with things I won't take on the plane but might want my family to send them to me later. These are the somewhat mundane logistical realities of moving.
An emotion that I haven't felt in quite some time (though it is familiar) seems to be creeping up, I think partially the because of the weather, partially because of my situation and recent events. It is a mixture of desperation, nostalgia and uncertainty.
An emotion that I haven't felt in quite some time (though it is familiar) seems to be creeping up, I think partially the because of the weather, partially because of my situation and recent events. It is a mixture of desperation, nostalgia and uncertainty.
Saturday, April 30, 2011
foreign expert
So...somehow over the past month I wound up magically transforming form mere American citizen into a foreign expert....
In case I don't know what this means, it means I GOT A TEACHING POSITION!! Yes, the theory of hard work and persistence paying off has now been confirmed to be occasionally correct instead of just being anecdotal. That is, of course, unless this was all just a coincidence and there is actually no correlation between diligence and success. Either way, I signed a contract with Hángzhōu Diànzǐ University in Hángzhōu, Zhèjīang Province. I feel a great sense of relief having secured a job but I also have realized the exigency of my final pre-trip responsibilities.
In case I don't know what this means, it means I GOT A TEACHING POSITION!! Yes, the theory of hard work and persistence paying off has now been confirmed to be occasionally correct instead of just being anecdotal. That is, of course, unless this was all just a coincidence and there is actually no correlation between diligence and success. Either way, I signed a contract with Hángzhōu Diànzǐ University in Hángzhōu, Zhèjīang Province. I feel a great sense of relief having secured a job but I also have realized the exigency of my final pre-trip responsibilities.
Friday, April 1, 2011
fruit time!
JOB OFFER!!
Straight from contact with a university in Hángzhōu. The offer seems OK and I have talked to a few people from the school who say it is a great place and teacher friends at other schools envy them. Of the handful of schools I've talked to, this one has had the most and most prompt communication with me. However I would still like to see what other schools might offer. The offer I received is good for two weeks so I have some time to decide what I want to do, maybe even longer depending on whether or not the deadline was a tactic of some sort or if it was legitimate.
Either case, I feel pretty good about it. Always though, it could be psychological, wanting it to work out, wanting to think I received a decent offer. Harder to be objective when you are really hoping for something. Man certainly has the capability to delude himself.
Hopefully I can eek out some more later, maybe it will be more interesting instead of such a straightforward account.
Straight from contact with a university in Hángzhōu. The offer seems OK and I have talked to a few people from the school who say it is a great place and teacher friends at other schools envy them. Of the handful of schools I've talked to, this one has had the most and most prompt communication with me. However I would still like to see what other schools might offer. The offer I received is good for two weeks so I have some time to decide what I want to do, maybe even longer depending on whether or not the deadline was a tactic of some sort or if it was legitimate.
Either case, I feel pretty good about it. Always though, it could be psychological, wanting it to work out, wanting to think I received a decent offer. Harder to be objective when you are really hoping for something. Man certainly has the capability to delude himself.
Hopefully I can eek out some more later, maybe it will be more interesting instead of such a straightforward account.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
no thanks Wendy
The past few days I have felt I'm starting to make another breakthrough concerning my move to China. I have been applying to numerous university positions, pretty much any locations where I have been able to find direct contact with the school. I'm very excited.
The "direct contact with the school" thing has become more important to me as people have repeatedly warned to be wary of dealing with recruiters, companies schools hire to find teachers. Recruiters are known to use bait-and-switch tactics to lure potential teachers in with a nice-sounding job but when the teacher arrives that job is no longer available...but the recruiter has a different job available. The replacement jobs are where many teachers' horror stories come from...small towns away from civilization, bug-infested apartments and salaries nowhere near the original quotes.
The "direct contact with the school" thing has become more important to me as people have repeatedly warned to be wary of dealing with recruiters, companies schools hire to find teachers. Recruiters are known to use bait-and-switch tactics to lure potential teachers in with a nice-sounding job but when the teacher arrives that job is no longer available...but the recruiter has a different job available. The replacement jobs are where many teachers' horror stories come from...small towns away from civilization, bug-infested apartments and salaries nowhere near the original quotes.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Hángzhōu, Zhèjiāng
I believe that this time I have found a city to go to. Hángzhōu was one of the cities I originally looked up and then somewhat discarded after focusing on dialects. With the help of some friends and some random people I met on couchsurfing who reside in Hángzhōu I think this will be a good choice. The climate sounds nice, public transportation looks to be plentiful and also there seems to be a mixture of city life and nature nearby.
City life...imagine me in a city. I've never really lived in a city. Oh, also important about Hángzhōu is that there are a lot of schools, so maybe I can even get a job and have a reason to go.
City life...imagine me in a city. I've never really lived in a city. Oh, also important about Hángzhōu is that there are a lot of schools, so maybe I can even get a job and have a reason to go.
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