au revoir

Though this blog, in name and content, is mostly about my experiences getting to and being in China, the impetus for the blog was generally about leaving America.  It seems to be I am in the same state again, where getting out of this country or maybe just being somewhere totally new, has become a top priority in my life.

So exigent is this desire that at times I can't sit still and I feel a burn in my skin at the thought of being here, of feeling like I am doing nothing "beyond existing".  It sounds pretty dramatic.

I frequently miss China, though I try not to dwell on decisions I felt I had to make.  There is no way I could idealize China, but maybe a different lifestyle that it harbored for me.  Sometimes there was comfort in the constant chaos often mirroring my mental state but in the end too many situations all across the external and my internal world propelled me to leave in a frantic state.

Whatever, shit doesn't matter now.  Anyway, I am planning a looser trip to Southeast Asia with my adopted twin brother Andrew.  I will probably keep writing on this site due to the fact that I have started way too many other random blogs already and nihao-brian seems most suitable for travel.

The Cure is playing right now in this Starbucks.  I think of a gigantic unfamiliar world.  Can't wait to leave.

merry christmas

In America, today is the holiday that people tend to get together and give shit to each other; there is and a general feeling of warmth and goodwill between people.  I am currently listening to James Taylor and thinking about the calmness and the feelings this season used to mean to me.  But right now I'm alone and so far away from all my previous associations with Christmas.  None of this is because I'm in China--in fact, I'm no longer in China.

rainy days

The past few days I have been in a daze, feeling glossed over, mechanical.  The off-and-on rain hasn't really brought much of a cooling effect.  Today I slept away most of the day's middle hours, deciding to eat a true breakfast at around 5PM.  Part of this could be the fact that the past few nights I've been up until around 2AM which is pretty drastic for a bookworm like me.  The good news is that I've been out up so late because I have made friends with Chinese people.  From now on I will just call them Chinese friends.  There really is no bad news about this even though that may have sounded like a lead-in, but let me continue...

driving rant

So...things here in crazyland are pretty good.  I'm trying to make some worksheets for classes so it looks like I might know what I'm doing.  But enough small talks...what I'm really about to tell you about is driving in China.  The short answer to the question I'm surprised nobody has asked yet is:  Yes, personal cars should be outlawed in China.

blast off

So I bought a plane ticket...one-way...to Shànghǎi...

strange feeling

It is a dreary day here in NE Tarrant County. Cool weather, rain off and on. Things are feeling kind of surreal right now. Sitting in my room trying to organize things to store away in the closet. I want to get a few empty boxes to fill with things I won't take on the plane but might want my family to send them to me later. These are the somewhat mundane logistical realities of moving.

An emotion that I haven't felt in quite some time (though it is familiar) seems to be creeping up, I think partially the because of the weather, partially because of my situation and recent events. It is a mixture of desperation, nostalgia and uncertainty.

foreign expert

So...somehow over the past month I wound up magically transforming form mere American citizen into a foreign expert....

In case I don't know what this means, it means I GOT A TEACHING POSITION!! Yes, the theory of hard work and persistence paying off has now been confirmed to be occasionally correct instead of just being anecdotal. That is, of course, unless this was all just a coincidence and there is actually no correlation between diligence and success.  Either way, I signed a contract with Hángzhōu Diànzǐ University in Hángzhōu, Zhèjīang Province.  I feel a great sense of relief having secured a job but I also have realized the exigency of my final pre-trip responsibilities.

fruit time!

JOB OFFER!!

Straight from contact with a university in Hángzhōu.  The offer seems OK and I have talked to a few people from the school who say it is a great place and teacher friends at other schools envy them.  Of the handful of schools I've talked to, this one has had the most and most prompt communication with me.  However I would still like to see what other schools might offer.  The offer I received is good for two weeks so I have some time to decide what I want to do, maybe even longer depending on whether or not the deadline was a tactic of some sort or if it was legitimate.

Either case, I feel pretty good about it.  Always though, it could be psychological, wanting it to work out, wanting to think I received a decent offer.  Harder to be objective when you are really hoping for something. Man certainly has the capability to delude himself.

Hopefully I can eek out some more later, maybe it will be more interesting instead of such a straightforward account.

jobs

Spending hours a day looking for jobs in China is a hell of a lot more fun than spending hours looking for jobs in America.  Somehow it is exhilarating.  Eventually I have to tell myself to stop saying "one more page" as I wade through pages of job postings.  Half of the stuff I've looked at so far is shit but it's still kind of like opening presents on Christmas.

I've applied for a handful of jobs in Hángzhōu, Qīngdǎo and Tiānjīn.  I will probably have an interview sometime Saturday with a school and their recruiter.  So with the possibility of having a job soon, it is time to get some more last-minute details in order.

will to focus

I have been struggling to focus on projects for a long time now.  Photography, music, writing.  I sit down and get started only to get sidetracked and have more than a dozen tabs open in two different browsers.

I have wanted to publish a book of my writings and photographs for years now.
I have wanted to record certain pieces of music for years now.

Previously I thought I was not accomplishing these goals because I didn't have the know-how or equipment.  Now, I basically have both or the means to acquire both but still I haven't seemed able to finish even a small book or one song.  Part of the issue is a perfectionist attitude toward the work.  Part has been because of troubles focusing and seeing a task through.  Some things just seem to be so big and encompassing that I have no idea where I to start and I get frustrated before I even begin.  I know, this is a horrible attitude.