Sunday, April 8, 2012

a peaceful reminder

This morning I woke up feeling incredibly rested.  I went to the bathroom and then walked back in my room with a calm presence over me, somewhat hyper-aware, admiring the way the carpet felt on my feet.  Kind of in a surreal state where random thoughts just pop in your head, like "I'm so thankful my feet and legs work."  I laughed to myself and looked at the clock to see what time it was.

It was fucking 2 a.m.  At this point I really started acting like a grandpa and I started chuckling.  Immediately I thought of the last time this sort of phenomenon occurred, I was alternating between staring at the ceiling and peeking out the blinds in a serviced apartment in Shanghai, the first night/morning after I arrived.  My travel partner was asleep but I was already seething with the desire to get out and explore this crazy new place, filthy with lights, filthy with people and filthy with general uncleanliness....

Though it's been a bit shy of a year since that experience, it's still completely relevant in my mind.  When I think of the best things I've ever done for myself, they are 1) quitting my job after getting an associate's degree and going on an indefinite roadtrip on the West Coast, 2) getting a job at Starbucks and pushing myself socially, 3) moving to China.  As I've mentioned numerous times, the China move didn't work out as I'd hoped at times I'm obviously still kind of wistful about that (witnessed by the fact that I keep writing about it), but it was still one of the most important things I've ever accomplished.  Recently upon analyzing the times I've felt the most content, most at peace or satisfied with life in general I realize they could all fit under the equivalent of a blog-equivalent life-tag/label called exploration.

Where I am now is clearly not where I want to be.  I am in the process of applying this analysis and shifting my life to better reconcile with it.  I'm excited to say that I have already made a lot of progress by getting rid of clutter (in many cases, severing the needless emotional connection to objects), selling a lot music and photo equipment I don't use regularly and reminding myself that I have the freedom to be anywhere I please.

Let me know what you guys think!!  How do you all feel about where you currently are in life?

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